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“When your fear touches someones’ pain,
it becomes pity; when your love touches
someones’ pain, it becomes compassion. 
To train in compassion, then, is to know all
beings are the same and suffer in
similar ways, to honor all those who
suffer, and to know you are neither separate
from nor superior to anyone.” 

~ Stephen Levine

Here’s a quick review of what we talked about in Part 2 of “What Were YOu Thinking?”  You learned about Jumping to Conclusions, Emotional Reasoning, Shoulds, Labeling, and Blame.

In Part 3, here are the final 5 Cognitive Distortions (again, in no particular order)…or “What Were You Thinking?!”

5 Cognitive Distortions (Part 3)

  1. Control Fallaciesseeing ourselves as a victim (external control fallacy) or assuming the responsibility for the pain and happiness of everyone around us (internal control fallacy).
  2. Discounting the Positivediscounting your achievements or insisting your positive actions, achievements or qualities don’t count; saying anyone could’ve done it..
  3. Fairness Fallacygoing through life applying a measuring rod against every situation judging its fairness; feeling resentful because we thing we know what is fair but others won’t agree with us.
  4. Always Being Right feeling continually on trial to prove that your opinions and actions are correct (or pointing out how wrong someone’s opinions and actions are).  Being wrong is unthinkable going to any length to demonstrate your “rightness”.
  5. Heaven’s Reward Fallacyexpecting your sacrifice and self-denial to pay off, then feeling bitter when the reward doesn’t come.

What have you discovered?  What distortions do you recognize in yourself?  Where do you want to begin making changes?

You’ll have an opportunity in the next post to find out more about what you can do about your “stinkin’ thinkin” and improve your rate of success – however YOU define success.

To be continued…

Until next time…

P.S. — Want to learn more about Cognitive Distortions and how they may be impeding your progress and success?  Tired of being at the mercy of your distortions?  Schedule your private, confidential complimentary discovery session or send an e-mail to info@JoshuaTreeCoaching.com to learn how.  Invest 30 minutes today to change your life forever.

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“One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don’t clean it up too quickly.” – Andy Rooney

You’ve spent hours…days…weeks…and in some cases, months picking out the “perfect” gift.  You’ve given much thought to the gift wrap and adornments that will disguise the contents until the excitement of the moment takes over.

The mad ripping, the squeals of delight, bows and wrapping paper thrown into the air with abandon, a brief pause to admire the treasure found within and then on to the next neatly dressed gift until no more remain.

Anticipation!  Excitement!  Joy!

And all too quickly, the moment is over and we’re running to the next “thing” to do, without taking a moment to simply be in the moment.

When I read this quote this morning, it really touched a nerve..a nerve of long ago.  How often, those years ago, after all the paper lay strewn across the floor, ribbon and bows scattered about I ran around with a trash bag quickly picking up the “trash”, pushing the kids to get dressed and leave their excitement and joy behind (you’ll be able to get back to it later…which didn’t happen because it was time for bed when we finally got home) because we had a schedule.  We needed to be somewhere for lunch, or dinner, or a visit because there were traditions to uphold, people to see, things to do.

For just a moment I felt sad when I read Mr. Rooney’s words.  Sadness in all that I didn’t get to experience or allow my family to experience.  Of course, I can’t change it.  And I am so grateful that I finally woke up and realized how much we were all missing because of the self-limiting belief that things had to be “perfect” and “what would the in-laws think if we didn’t show up?” and learned how to enjoy the moments.

This year is yet another opportunity to slow down and savor the moments of the day, without rushing, hurrying or scurrying about.  A time to embrace the “mess” wherever it occurs – living room, dining room, kitchen, den, or basement – and all that it represents and …

to be.

It’s not too late – there’s still time for you to enjoy the glorious mess 🙂

Until next time…

P.S. — Struggling with how to enjoy more and stress less?  Schedule your private, confidential complimentary discovery session or send an e-mail to info@JoshuaTreeCoaching.com to learn how.  Invest 30 minutes today to change your life forever.

Washing a few plates and cups after lunch today, my mind began to wander (yes, I wasn’t focused on actually washing dishes…that’s another story) to all the Facebook postings about how sensitive everyone seems to be regarding the upcoming holidays and how to address or greet each other.  In rapid thought succession, it sounded something like this:

Thought Storm in Progress

Happy Holidays…Merry Christmas…Happy Chanukah…Holiday Songs…Christmas Carols…(I think I have the makings of a song)…sheesh…people expending so much energy over who’s right or wrong…how does making a big deal out of this add value?….if you don’t like something, what can you do rather than simply complain?…oh how I love the holidays…as long as I could remember the anticipation was thrilling…some might not see it that way – difficult childhood memories and all…wait I could be included in that last one…who cares…still love the holidays…Polar Express…hot chocolate, yum, think I’ll have a well-deserved cup later…people working so very hard to convince someone else they’re wrong….aha moment – maybe that’s it…wonder if people believe that taking time to understand someone else means giving up part of themselves or who they believe they are, their beliefs, drinking the kool-aid…they’re afraid…that’s not what happens at all…don’t they see that…duh! if they did they wouldn’t keep working so hard to convince someone they’re wrong…so…how can I influence them to see that they actually gain so much more when they strive to really understand another’s point of view; they don’t give up anything, not one single belief nor one strand of value by simply listening…what are they protecting?…what makes their belief more valuable than someone else’s?…oh, wait…maybe they’re having trouble giving their listening ears because they’ve not been heard…well, not in the way that matters (complaining and whining doesn’t much count towards that)…oh, gotta go capture this thought storm before it blows over…

There you have it, folks.  Now, all I’ve got to do is get cracking on the best way to begin this influential journey of understanding.  Oh, wait…I know…just start…:-)

BTW – I’m a Merry Christmas sort of gal.  And if you’re a Happy Chanukah sort of fellow or Happy Holidays kind of girl, or a non-Christmas or non-Chanukah believer, know that I respect and embrace YOU and your right to believe and value whatever you want or like.  We may not always agree or see eye-to-eye on this or any other event, and I’m OK with that.  Are you?

Care to join me and journey together…at least part of the way?

Until next time…

P.S. — Want a better understanding of how a coach can guide you to discover your untapped gifts and strengths and understand your thought storms?  Schedule your private, confidential complimentary discovery session or send an e-mail to info@JoshuaTreeCoaching.com to learn how.  Invest 30 minutes today to change your life forever.

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